Day two of writing shit out....
Jan. 19th, 2017 06:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
copynin I keep rereading what I wrote last night. And, to be honest, all of it is true. As far as I know.
Except for one part. There are people that I trust. There are people that I love, trust and respect and one of them reminded me of that last night while I talked to them for hours. And while I cried while we talked, I feel oddly cleansed as well.
I'm a flawed person, very flawed if I'm honest. But I love a lot of people. I love my friends, both online and in person. I love my family. I love even those who've hurt me. But love doesn't mean I have to sit for verbal and emotional assault when I'm having a rough time already.
I was told that I betrayed someone by having my panic attack. I betrayed and stabbed them in the back because I disappeared from the internet and didn't tell anyone and took my own step back to straighten myself out. All because I was supposed to do something for them.
Did they contact me myself about this? No. No, they went to someone else and showed how terribly selfish and self-centered they are to get them to check on me so that I could spend my already limited energy and mental power on them. And then proceeded to act like they were the one who was hurt by me. Without even saying a damn thing to me until they attacked me.
This shit? Is. Unacceptable. Very. Unacceptable. I don't have to deal with this and I won't. If you have issues with me, come to me. Don't dump on my friends because you have no sense of what it is to feel for other people.
I'm so angry at this person right now that I cannot articulate myself properly.
To the person that knows who I'm talking to, you are as selfish and self-centered as I told you. You only care about yourself. You talk over others and then don't understand why they can't feel they can talk to you about things that are happening to them and why they can't trust you? Perhaps you should take a looooooooooooooooooong look in the mirror and stop threatening to stab yourself every time something doesn't go your way. Grow up. You're not twelve. Your family situation sucks? Guess what? So does mine. So does a lot of people's. Perhaps you should spare about five seconds out of your day thinking about what it is that has made me not want to associate with you anymore. Maybe you should think about what happened to those "friends" you had before that won't talk to you. Maybe, just maybe, you could see that talking about this to someone who is also dealing with shit that you don't seem to have any sort of feelings other than what they can do for you is wrong.
But I seriously doubt you will. So, stay away from me. Stay away from me, my safe spaces and my friends. Please get some actual help from a professional. Take a step back from RP. Stop joining so many games because you have a hole in your life. Get a job. Get away from your terrible home life. DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR OWN SELF THAT MAKES A POSITIVE CHANGE INSTEAD OF WALLOWING IN THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING IS BAD BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING. You know what that makes you? A dramawhore and responsible for a lot of the bad things that happen to you because your priorities are very skewed in the wrong direction.
Just. Stay the fuck away from me. For MY health. We are done.
Except for one part. There are people that I trust. There are people that I love, trust and respect and one of them reminded me of that last night while I talked to them for hours. And while I cried while we talked, I feel oddly cleansed as well.
I'm a flawed person, very flawed if I'm honest. But I love a lot of people. I love my friends, both online and in person. I love my family. I love even those who've hurt me. But love doesn't mean I have to sit for verbal and emotional assault when I'm having a rough time already.
I was told that I betrayed someone by having my panic attack. I betrayed and stabbed them in the back because I disappeared from the internet and didn't tell anyone and took my own step back to straighten myself out. All because I was supposed to do something for them.
Did they contact me myself about this? No. No, they went to someone else and showed how terribly selfish and self-centered they are to get them to check on me so that I could spend my already limited energy and mental power on them. And then proceeded to act like they were the one who was hurt by me. Without even saying a damn thing to me until they attacked me.
This shit? Is. Unacceptable. Very. Unacceptable. I don't have to deal with this and I won't. If you have issues with me, come to me. Don't dump on my friends because you have no sense of what it is to feel for other people.
I'm so angry at this person right now that I cannot articulate myself properly.
To the person that knows who I'm talking to, you are as selfish and self-centered as I told you. You only care about yourself. You talk over others and then don't understand why they can't feel they can talk to you about things that are happening to them and why they can't trust you? Perhaps you should take a looooooooooooooooooong look in the mirror and stop threatening to stab yourself every time something doesn't go your way. Grow up. You're not twelve. Your family situation sucks? Guess what? So does mine. So does a lot of people's. Perhaps you should spare about five seconds out of your day thinking about what it is that has made me not want to associate with you anymore. Maybe you should think about what happened to those "friends" you had before that won't talk to you. Maybe, just maybe, you could see that talking about this to someone who is also dealing with shit that you don't seem to have any sort of feelings other than what they can do for you is wrong.
But I seriously doubt you will. So, stay away from me. Stay away from me, my safe spaces and my friends. Please get some actual help from a professional. Take a step back from RP. Stop joining so many games because you have a hole in your life. Get a job. Get away from your terrible home life. DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR OWN SELF THAT MAKES A POSITIVE CHANGE INSTEAD OF WALLOWING IN THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING IS BAD BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING. You know what that makes you? A dramawhore and responsible for a lot of the bad things that happen to you because your priorities are very skewed in the wrong direction.
Just. Stay the fuck away from me. For MY health. We are done.
